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Top Ten Ways to Waste Time Online: Facebook

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Having evolved into a super-efficient, time-saving society, our use of social media certainly compromises all we stand for; we have become experts in taking trips through the buzzing corridors of Facebook, searching for ways to find our minds distracted, but if you haven’t yet succumbed to the fascination of online procrastination, here are our Top Ten ways to kill time on Facebook.


1. Facebook Stalking

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Who of us can say that we’ve never had that awkward moment, when you pass someone on the street who, only the night before, you made victim to a good old-fashioned Facebook stalking.

Your heart screams at you to catch their shoulders in a scratching grip and sing loud “MATE, I LITERALLY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I AM A VOYEUR ENTERTAINED BY YOUR ONLINE LIFE”...

...That, or go all Sherlock Holmes on their Face and recite their life to date based on the snot stain that sparkles on their sleeve; a clever, clever trick. But alas, we avoid eye contact and make a mental note to tell the bleary eyed chuckle buddy Watson-partner in crime-that last night’s entertainment just limped past you as if you didn’t even know he was suffering the hot sauce from last night’s “Cheeky Nandos”.


2. Change your language settings

This could be used as a tool to help aspiring bilinguals, but no, no, no. This is the time to decipher Pirate English or Upside down English or...


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…Upside down Pirate English?!




3. Doppelganger Gang Bang

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Search your own name, see how well people around the globe are representing your very personal brand, consider starting a club, go make a sandwich. They’re all crap, just a bunch of boring Doctors or some s***.


4. Facebook Time Machine


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What starts with a gentle scroll down your timeline turns into a primordial adventure of self-discovery. With every step back in time you take through pictures past, you notice youth, drip by drip, filling your cheeks, fueling the fun and expanding your smiles. This one’s for the hard-core nostalgia junkies amongst us. 

Note: Not to be performed whilst intoxicated, or on Monday mornings, for fear of depressive slumps.



5. Whack a “like” on an old gem

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Remember that picture that caused such a stir all those years ago? Reignite those smouldering embers of conversation with a discrete “like”. Be it controversial, beautiful, fun-filled or drunken,  drag the memory back onto the newsfeed to get people, at the very least, reminiscing over the practicality of teenage abbreviations; Coz u knw u wnt 2.


6. Watch your words evolve

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Have a trawl through your old messages with caution; thankfully, they’re only backdated so far. It’s easy to convince yourself that you were the one exception to bright-eyed teenage naivety, but trust me; even the most mature, well-meaning teen expresses their world through their language. 

It’s a good way to examine your old thought processes and normally displays a stream of sprawling spelling and grammar errors in the wake of the rush towards the all-important sentence “what time and where?”

7. Stuck for entertainment? Visit your most reliable sharer

disney.wikia.com
Visit the profile of that friend who always shares the funniest pictures, most interesting articles and justifiably viral videos. You know who I mean. Just sit back and be entertained, but beware of being hooked. I have spent many a night, straining my eyes through my-guy’s profile in search of that video that brought me to tears all those years ago.


8. Find a hot debate, jump on it…

…then back the f*** off.

funnyjunk.com

It’s always fun and happens so often. You stumble across some heated debate about something you vaguely care about. Compose the most perfect, well-balanced, considered, f*** it, PROFOUND response, then, as your finger hovers over Enter, take a moment to assess the repercussions; notification after notification, miscommunication, frustration, then BHAM! Backspace, hold it down. This is not your fight; this is not worth it, who cares about whether or not Robin Thicke is the devil incarnate or just another misguided misogynist. Just get the F*** out of there!


9. Indulge in a shameless “liking” spree

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Navigate Facebook like your “likes” are free, flash the cash of kindness:

"PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!"
Like.

"FEELING EXCITED!"                                                        
Er...Like.

"Going to watch Avengers."                                                  
Yes, Like.
"Friday night, bottle of rose, bubble bath, evening sorted!"  
Like.
"Just fixed my bike!"                                                          
…Like!

"Just settling in to watch for a Twilight marathon"
Dislike, dislike! where is the dislike button?!

Just “like” like you like “liking” stuff.


10. Hide and Seek.

Now this requires two people; first the hider. The hider finds an old post or picture of a mutual friend, the more obscure the better. They then throw down an uninteresting comment and wait. This is when the seeker gets involved. The seeker must hunt for the hidden comment and like it upon finding it, reversing the roles. Too. Much. Fun.

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Leo Donnelly 
Ever wondered what would happen if you gave a half-crazed, semi-concussed, unstoppable maverick a platform to write about social media? Follow him @LeoAtSMF



Contact us on Twitter, on Facebook, or leave your comments below. To find out about social media training or management why not take a look at our website for more info http://socialmediacambridge.co.uk/.

Top Ten Ways to Waste Time Online: Facebook Reviewed by Leo Donnelly on Wednesday, May 20, 2015 Rating: 5

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